Milwaukee Time Lords Blog

Jay Badenhoop is Professor of Chemistry at Potomac State College at West Virginia University, located in Keyser, WV. Jay also teaches astronomy. Jay has been sending to our members these real samples of student answers for the past year. “And the Doctor hangs his head in shame”.

This is his latest batch:

These are actual answers given by students on homework and exams. I swear I couldn’t make up ones this good. As usual, my comments to myself are in brackets.

A problem with reflecting telescopes is you need light pointed at the mirror in order to see so if you block out this light with your big head you won’t be able to see anything.

Q:Which types of light in the electromagnetic spectrum are mostly blocked from reaching the Earth’s surface by the atmosphere?

A:Radiation is blocked from entering Earth’s atmosphere. [It is? D'oh!]

A:The Earth has windows in the atmosphere that lets some kinds of light in.

[Only if the windows have curtains.]

Q:Which types of light in the electromagnetic spectrum are mostly blocked from reaching the Earth’s surface by the atmosphere?

A:X-rays, Y-rays, and Z-rays.

[But A-rays through W-rays get through. Everyone knows S-rays cause sunburn and C-rays cause cancer. Correct answer: Light with short wavelengths is blocked - ultraviolet light, X-rays, and gamma rays (the student confused the Greek letter gammag with "Y"). There is no "Z-ray" but there is a "Z particle".It's not as funny when there's an explanation, is it?]

Q:How is this light blocked?

A:Light can become blocked by solids, like plastics and metals.

[There are big chunks of plastic and metal floating up in the atmosphere?There must be more mid-air plane crashes than I thought.]

spectral lines - Black lines that papaer in the light spectrum.

[Appear? Paper? Sorry, I don't do anagrams.]

The wavelength is measured in centiminters.

[*I* measure wavelength in pepperminters!]

The wavelength is a symbol that looks like a “V” with a tail on top.

[The symbol is lambda (l).Come to think of it, it *does* look like a "V" with a tail on top...]

wavelength - the distance between the climax of one wave to the climax of the next wave.

[If your mind is warped, you might read something naughty into this. The student meant "crest" of the wave.]

frequency - amount of waves in a given time to pass through a rigid fixed unit. [Now just a minute.You're thinking something naughty again, aren't you?]

Q:Planets radiate most of their light in the infrared.Why are they visible to humans in the night sky?

A:Planets are made of warm colors, which are the coolest, which will stand out against the dark night sky with stars mostly being in the cool colors, which are the warmest.

[huh?]

Reflecting teleoscopes are different from refracting telloscopes because they have mirorrs that reflect incomming light. [Will you *please* use spell-check already!]

light pollution - happens when an area has too much civilization.

[true - I just like the way he said it.]

light pollution - What causes astronomers to move their telescopes to an abandoned area. [You can only see the night sky if all the other people have moved away.]

light pollution - Astronomers have to fight with states, cities, electrical companies, towns, architects, ect, in order to limit the amount of light. [This means war!]

The similarities between a refracting and reflecting telescope are slim to none.

Another advantage of the Hubble Space Telescope is that it is literally in space already so it’s a lot easier to look at space.

The frequency of infrared light sits just below red light.

[My mother's Christmas decorations sit just below the red light.]

Ultraviolent light is called that because it is violent against your skin.

Radiation comes from stars in the throws of death that explode and give off comic rays.

[Stars throw pies in your face?Also known as "Three Stooges rays".]

focal length - A distance of infinity objects from their images. Astronomical objects are so far away they might as well be at infinity.

[And your grade is so low, it might as well be zero.]

right ascension - also known as RA. [And...?]

Q:List the circumpolar constellations. [ones that circle the North Star]

A:Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Cepheus, Draco, Cassiopeia, Corona Borealis, and Scrotum.

[Yes, right, yes, right, yes, okay. wait - what was that last one? The name is "Scutum" which means "shield", but sounds almost as naughty. It only has *two stars*, so how anyone saw a Roman shield, or any shape for that matter, is beyond me.]

Q:Can you conclude that because the stars in a constellation appear close together in the sky, that they are at nearly the same distance from Earth?

A:No, because we really know nothing.

[Perhaps *you * don't.I think *we* know a little more than nothing about stars.]

Q: Why do stars observed close to the horizon twinkle more than those overhead?

A: They are more different from their surroundings.[huh?]

vernal equinox - the date when the sun crosses the o boundary moving northward.

[The sun only crosses the o'boundary over Ireland. I have no idea what the student intended. The sun crosses the *celestial equator*.]

vernal equinox - point where the sun crosses the eclipstic going south to north.

[You put on eclipstick when you and your date go out to watch a solar eclipse. Eclipstick only comes in one color - black. The word is "ecliptic" which is the Sun's path relative to the stars. Since the Sun can't cross its own path, the student's definition is bogus even if you correct the spelling error.]

Earth’s core - center composed of nickel-iron alloy, one of the less hot stars in the solar system. [Earth is a star? There is a star at the center of the Earth?I think this student probably was distracted in the middle of writing this sentence.]

Continential drift is when the continence slide across the Earth’s surface, explained as a set of shifting regions called tectonic planets. [The other planets slide against the Earth?

Their relationship must be more than gravitational, nudge nudge say no more!And when continents move, does it cause incontinence?]

My answer to global warming is to create cleaner artificial clouds and take out the polluted particles, but create polluted clouds, through making a cleaner environment.

[Huh? Who you gonna call? Cloudbusters!]

Q:Describe the layers to Earth’s atmosphere. Which layer(s) contain(s) ozone?

A:The Earth’s ozone lies within the Inner Solid Core. Then there is the Outer Molten Core, which is made up of molten hot magma. Then there is the D layer. Then there is the Lower Mantel, Mesosphere, and Lithosphere.

[There is ozone at the center of the Earth and molten hot magma in the air? Obviously this student skipped over the word *atmosphere*.]

The temperature of the atmosphere decreases with attitude.

[Yeah, the atmosphere's a real bitch when it's cold.]

libration - a swinging motion, real or not, of the moon.

[It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing! Doo-wop doo-wop! Libration is the apparent rocking motion of the Moon (when you look at time-lapse photography) caused when the Moon moves faster when closer to Earth and slower when farther away but it remains rotating at the same rate.]

sidereal month - month of days for the Moon to orbit counted in sidereals.

[Wasn't "Frankie and the Sidereals" a '50's pop group that recorded "Fly Me to the Moon"?]

crater - a simple bowl on the moon of 15 kilometers diameters.

[All craters are the same size and are used to eat giant cereal. The constitution says all men are cratered equal.]

crater - Very large hole in the ground.

[Pesky moon gophers!]

Q:Why is an astronaut’s weight standing on the Moon only 1/6th the weight he had on Earth?

A:His relationship to the moon would be greater than his relationship to the Earth.

[What kind of relationship? Do they get married or just fool around?]

Q:What were some weaknesses of the lunar module?

A:You could run out of full very quickly.

[How can you run out if it's full?]

Q:What causes the blackout in communications during re-entry?

A:The extremely high temperatures fad the communications with mission control.

[Don't worry; it's just a passing fad.]

Moon landing hoaxers believe that the spacecraft would have disincarnated upon entering the moon surface. [No, it would have been reincarnated as a toaster.]

The Apollo missions could not of been fake. A conspiracy of that magnet tide to been done is almost impossible. [Yeah, it would have taken a lot of really *big* magnets.]

All crediblitty for everyone against the Moon landing because they used an ample amount of rhettoric and fallacies in order to persuade you of their views, not to inform you what so ever.

[Rhettoric is what Rhett Butler uses in "Gone With the Wind". You don't believe in the moon landings?Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.]

One strange happening during the Apollo 11 mission was sightings of strange injects floating around the spacecraft.

[That's what happens when you shoot up cocaine in space.]

When astronauts first arrived in space the seen something in the distance but was really afraid to say anything to mission control because they did not want to be thought of as guys who seen aliens when they arrived back at earth.

[It wasn't aliens, it was the cocaine.]

Three days into space, the command center missed a message from the astronauts wanting to know where the hell they were at.

[Maybe the mission control guys were high on crack, too. Tune in next week for more "Sordid Secrets of the Space Program".]

Didn’t get enough of that last post. Here’s more! The Doctor would be ashamed of these students! (Or how NOT to qualify for the role of the Doctor’s assistant.)

STUDENT MALACHEMISMS #7

Here is another set of actual quotes from chemistry student exams, homework, and lab reports. [Again, my comments to myself are in brackets.]

 

Q: Give the name for the following elements:
   V (vanadium)
vanilla         [Sorry, not an element.]
vitamin       [Are you joking?]
valium        [The calming element.]
vanium       [They make vans out of it.]
venerium    [Gives you a sexually transmitted disease.]

 

   Sn (tin)
sandium     [What sand is made of.]
standous    [Element that never sits down.]
sinium        [The evil element.]

 

   Si (silicon)
sillium        [The silly element.]
silicious     [It's delicious!]

Rubbing alcohol is used as a tropical antisceptic.
[No, the tropical antiseptic is rum.  Have enough and you won't feel a thing.]

The specific heat of a substance is how many jewels it takes to heat the substance. 

[Diamonds are a substance's best friend.  That's *Joules*, a unit of heat.]

 

Q:  How do you make a supersaturated solution?
A:  You make a supersonic solution by adding too much solid to the solvent

but be careful it can be broken easily.
[You heat the solution, dissolve more solid, then cool slowly.]

 

Q:  What is the specific heat of a substance?
A:  It’s the value that I used in the equation.  [What equation?]
A: The total amount of heat in a sub.  [They toast subs at Subway now.]

 

The sample is irradiated with UZ light.  [From the Wizard of Uz? 

Does UZ stand for "ultrazippy"?]

 

The liquid mixture is poured into a separatory funnel and the querulous layer drained out.
[I had to think about this one.  "Querulous" means "peevish; frequently expressing a complaint or grievance".  In all of my years of teaching chemistry, I have never had a chemical solution complain.  The word is *aqueous* layer, which means a water solution.]

 

The percent yeild was less than 100% because the equation didn’t react.

 

The unknown liquid was not very density.

 

Q:  Why was salt added to the solution?
A:  It makes it more possible for water more accurately.  [huh?]

 

Add 20 mL of a statuated sodium chloride solution.
[Statuated?  Made into a statue?  That's *saturated*.]

 

The fumes in this lab were very fowl smelling.  [Smelled like chicken?]

 

Turpentine did not dissolve in the water because they were not combatable.
[Pacifists never dissolve.  *compatible*]

 

When the cap is removed from the soda, you release all the Co² crammed into the soda. 

[Cobalt squared?  That's *CO2*.]

 

Q:  Name three solutions found in your home.
A:  Blecch tea and Liquid Plummer.
[Really bad tea and Christopher Plummer?  Do you mean bleach?]

 

Q:  When a solution forms, where do the ions or molecules of solute go?
A:  They make new molecules.

[They get pregnant and have baby molecules?]
A:  When you dissolve something, the molecules of water are pulled apart.
[Hulk smash water molecules!]
A:  They go into the air.  [They escape?]
[Answer: They go between the molecules of solvent.]

 

The solution will seperate into layers if left idol.  [American Idol?]

 

The solution is hearted until it comes to a boil.  [All you need is love.]

 

Q:  Suppose you had a 10% salt solution.  How could you increase the percentage to 12% without adding more salt?
A:  Place the salt into less water.
[Hmm, travel back in time and decide to use less water in the first place.  That's a unique answer.  Answer: Evaporate some of the solvent until concentration is 12%.]

 

Q:  A lollipop left around for a while becomes sticky.  Why does this happen?
A:  It becomes unbalanced.
[No, children who eat too much candy get a sugar rush and become unbalanced.
Answer:  The lollipop is a supersaturated solution (more solute than is normally stable) and when exposed to water, the unstable structure begins to break down.]

 

Melting is a change of state of matter solid to liquid by adding heast.
[Is that heat or yeast?]

 

Fish donut remove the oxygen atoms from H2O.  [Fish eat donuts?]

  

Students wrote papers based on an American Chemical Society talk “Molecules to Mozzerella: The Chemistry of Cheese”:

 

Cheese making is a long process.  First you have the cow.
[You have to give birth to the cow yourself?  No wonder it takes so long.  Actually, first primitive organisms had to evolve for millions of years into mammals to make the cow.  The process takes even longer than you thought.]

 

Milk is pasturized so all the unwanted bacteria are killed of.
[Killed of what?  The milk is put out to pasture?]

 

The presentation started by the speaker having a cow.
[Bart Simpson: "Don't have a cow, man."  He showed a picture of a cow.]

 

The circumstances involving the cow are far from simplistic.
[What trouble's old Bessie got herself into now?]

 

The agging room is where cheese is put to age.

[I want to know where the *youthing* room is.]

 

Cheese making endures some meticulous but ends with time consuming steps to induce a flavored delight.  [huh?]

 

The perception of cheese as a large produced food is somewhat unapparent but should be appreciated as a form of art.  [Cheese sculptures?]

 

The smell of the cheese can be measured with a gastromeatograph.
[Cheese contains meat?  That's a *gas chromatograph* which separates
and measures the amounts of different gases in a vapor mixture.]

 

A soft cheese known as Kamelbear cheese smells like stinky feet.
[That's what you get when you cross a camel with a bear.  *Camembert*]

 

The pie curd is mixed in stainless steal bowls.
[The bowls are stolen?  There is a lemon curd pie and a cheesecake, but what is pie curd?]

 

The speaker informed us that it is impossible to make cheese from human breast milk.  Otherwise there would be many hungry babies.
[Am I the only one who finds that a bit creepy?]

 

Starter cultures play an important roll in the production of cheese.
[Cheese tastes good on rolls.]

 

Some semi-soft cheeses are mold ripened like stilton or rotford.
[Yes, mold leads to rot, but the name is *Roquefort*.]

 

The speaker’s intention was to impact into us the process of cheesemaking.
[He had a powerful left hook.  Pow! Whack! Cheddar!]

 

If Swiss cheese is made to quickly it will explode.
[Used by all the best cheese suicide bombers.]

 

The block of cheese is cut into peaces.
[And that's how the Great Cheese War ended.]

 

Once again Milwaukee Time Lords member, Jay Badenhoop presents us with more real samples of student answers to science questions. I include everything in Jay’s email to me, including the amusing disclaimer.

Here is another set of actual quotes from chemistry student exams, homework, and lab reports.

These are presented anonymously so no students were embarrassed (though maybe they should be).

[Again, my thoughts to myself are in brackets.]

 

On a 3-D molecular model-building exercise:

There is a symmetry plane between the center carbon atom.  [Do you know what "between" means?]

 

Q: When you change to the other chair conformation [of dichlorocyclohexane], are the chlorine atoms now axial or equatorial?
A: They’re trans.  [That wasn't one of the choices!]
Q: Now move one chlorine atom from carbon 2 to carbon 3.  Are the chlorines cis or trans?
A: They’re axial.  [D'oh!]
[On his tax forms, where it says "married, divorced, or single?", he answers "yes".
On my tax forms I select the option "Married filing double jointed, nudge nudge say no more!".]

 

Do not get benzoic acid in your eyes or it will cause digestive track irritation.  [Did you swallow your eyes?]

 

Inhaling benzoic acid may cause respiratory tract infection.  [No, it is a powder, not a bacterium.]

 

Insert the sample tube into the hating element.  [Make love not hate.]

 

        Part C: Indentation of an Unknown Solid.  [It is already indented - see?]

 

There was a lot of error due to missing the begging and end of the melting range.

[If the melting range begs, they put it out of its misery.  Don't miss it!]

 

The appartus was too slow and drug out the whole experiment.  [Maybe it was high.]

 

We will find the solubility of a coefficient in water.  [A coefficient is a number.  You mean you can dissolve numbers in water?  I think you mean "find the solubility coefficient".]

 

The mixture is shaked.   [No.]
The mixture is shook.    [No, try again.]
The mixture is shooked.  [No.]
The mixture is shooken.  [Still no.]
The mixture is shucken.  [Nope, you're getting colder.]
The mixture is shucked.  [No, you shuck corn, not mixtures.]
The mixture is shaken.   [Finally one person got it right!]
[Das Mischung ist geschücken, yavoll, mein Herr!]

 

Make sure you open the top between shakies or it might explode.  [Jinkies!]

 

You have to open the bottom because the pressure in the mixture has to relieve itself.

 

The benzoic acid was not quit pure enough.  [You shouldn't quit.]

 

My melting point was too high.  It must of been my equipptment.  [Or your spelling.]

 

The layers were easy and easy to see.  [Yeah, feelin' easy...]

 

Q: Why should you not use a bunsen burner to evaporate ether from the benzoic acid solution?
A: The flame could ignite the ethanol.  [Last time I checked, ether and ethanol were two different substances.]
A: Because it would burn the benzoic acid down.  [The big bad wolf burned it down.]
[Real answer: The ether is highly flammable!]

 

If you overheat the solution, something bad will happen.

[Can you be any more vague?  You'll upset the karma of the universe, man.]

 

Q: What could cause the recovery of benzoic acid to be less than 100%?
A: A mistake.  [You mean like taking this class?]
A: Some could have been lost when it was put on a watchglass and kept in my drawer.
[Alakazam, benzoic acid vanished!  It's magic!  Maybe the drawer has a trap drawer.]

 

The density of the object is its density.  [I yam what I yam.  Master of the obvious.]

 

The density is less dense than the density it is floating in.  [Huh?]

 

Water always has a density of 1 even if you have a lake.  [But not if you have a pond?]

 

Density is all ways constant.  [No, some times it deep ends on temperature.]

 

A psychometer is used to measure density.
[No, a *pycnometer* is used to measure density; a *psychometer* is used to measure insanity.]

 

It doesnt mater how much watter you put in the graduated cylinder.  [The t wandered.]

 

A 50 mL sample of ether is wadded to the funnel.  [Like a wad of cotton? added?]

 

I measured the volumn of the column.

 

Q: Why does a steel bar sink, but a steel ship floats?
A: Because the ship is on the ocean.  If you take a cruise, you feel happy and more buoyant so the ship floats.

 

The release of clouroflourocarbons caused depletion of the ozone lawyer.  [Ozone lawyers only take cases in the upper atmosphere.  We already have too many lawyers; it wouldn't hurt to deplete a few.  Clouroflourocarbons are baked with flour and "clour"?  It's spelled

"chlorofluorocarbons".]

 

Global warming causes floods and droughts that kill everything in it’s awake.

[Then go back to sleep.  It was all a bad dream.]

 

The media creates excitements and false postulations from the population.

[I thought you get false postulations from a bad pregnancy test.]

 

The media sometimes uses only a portion of the data witch gives erroneous results.

[And it uses witchcraft to make up the rest.]

 

If we reverse global warming, then we’d have global cooling and the media would thrive on stories about that.  [Sad but probably true.  Students sure don't trust the media.]

 

We humans have put a dent in the plant life on earth.

[Don't worry, we have auto insurance for that.]

 

Global warming will raze the water level of the earth.

[Don't worry, we can use a razor to shave it down again.]

 

If we don’t do something about global warming, it will have a snowball effect.

[Don't worry, the snowballs will make it cooler.]

 

Jay Badenhoop

 

No trees were killed in the sending of this message.
However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Written and contributed by MTL member Jay Badenhoop (was the first Editor in Chief of our newsletter, the Relative Times).  As you will note, this teacher is a stickler for spelling.  A misspelled word is considered a mistake since it changes the meaning of the answer.  This could be another reason that the Doctor is no longer accepting companions.  An assistant who did this poorly in school would have a hard time coping with his Tardis and its technology.  “Don’t touch that hand when it’s glowing like that — it’s dangerous!”

---

A bumper crop of errors to end the year. Remember these are actual answers given by students. I think some students would find their own mistakes funny if they proofread (or even spell-checked) their homework before handing it in. One consistent thread is that students tend to give inanimate objects (planets, moons, stars, galaxies, etc.) human characteristics and motivations. As always, my comments to myself are in brackets.

Planets move faster than planets orbiting low mass planets of same differences. [huh?]

Q:  If two planets have the same mass but orbit at different distances from the Sun, which will have the greater orbital speed?  Why?
A:  The one farther away because there is gravity between the tow planets. [Did they use a tow truck?  Actually the one closer moves faster.]

Q:  If the planets condensed out of the same primeval nebula as the Sun, why did the Sun become a star, but the planets did not?
A:  The nebula had a tilt to their axis which increased they’re speed; thus creating planets.  [huh?]
A:  The star energy causes the nebula to dive off revealing the materials planets, comets and asteroids.  [Huh?  It went diving?]
A:  The planets were not massive enough to heat to cause a nuclear fission rection like the sun.  [I hope she meant *reaction*.]

Q:  What characteristics of Mercury could be better observed by spacecraft observations than Earth-based observations?
A:  A magnetic field full of elections was detected in space near Mercury. [McCain won the presidential elections on Mercury.  Electrons?]

The Opportunity rover has inspected craters to reveal inter-dune playa lakes that have evaporated for the sands of years. [I'm cool, I'm a playa.  Do you mean *thousands* of years?  Or the lakes evaporated for years and left sand?  Like sands of the hourglass, these are the Days of Our Lives.]

Olympus Mons - a volcano formed on Mars millions of years ago by Mariner 9. [Mariner 9 went back in time and somehow created the volcano?  It was *discovered* by Mariner 9.  A missing word can make a big difference!]

Venus’s surface must be explored using raider waves.  [That's *radar*.]

Venus has much more carbon dioxide because of all the vulcans erupting there. [Vulcans?  Captain Kirk to Mr. Spock - are you ready to beam up?  I thought Vulcans had no emotions and only erupted during pon farr (Star Trek inside joke).]

The characteristics of Mercury are almost not visible by the Earth this is called see inset.  [The student copied this incorrectly from a webpage which had a small picture of Mercury in the corner (an inset) and the text said to "see inset".]

The canali on Mars was thought to be channels yet now is known that to be channels.

The planet witch has two moons is Mars, called Phobus and Diemus. [The wicked witch has them?  Phobos and Deimos.]

Q:  Does Mercury always keep the same side toward the Sun?
A:  No Mercury does not keep the same side because it rotates off it’s axis. [It's also off its rocker.]
A:  Mercury rotates tree times for each too times it goes around the Sun. [And the Moon rotates won time for every won time around the Earth.]

Flowing water does not exist on Mars two day. [But it did three days ago?  Maybe this student should swap with the previous one - too-two tutu!]

The Mars Pathfinder mission found that deposits in gullies suggest they were formed by sentiment in the last 7 years.  [They were formed by sentiment when the gods cried.  Seven years?  Really?  More like seven million!]

greenhouse effect - when sunlight enters an atmosphere but is absorbed by the planet and the atmosphere is so full of its own infrared. [The atmosphere has a really big ego.  It's so full of itself.]

Scientists are interesting in finding water on Mars.
[I think scientists are interesting, too.]

The problem they had with the rovers is because the sun is not always around when you’re on Mars.  [The Sun wanders off.]

Q:  Explain the absence of water on Mars, despite the presence of features that seem to have been formed by water.
A:  The sun came out and dried up all of the water supply. [No, it goes, "The sun came out and dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!]

Great Red Spot - Cloud in the shape of a big oval candy dish and the atmosphere is wispy like cotton candy. [I would like to live in this student's fantasy world.]

Q:  What makes Saturn’s moon Titan unique among moons of the solar system?
A:  Stuff in the atmosphere makes it comically complex.
[What stuff?  Rubber chickens, pies in the face, and whoopie cushions?  I think she meant *chemically* complex.]

prominences - solar material extending between sunspots, often confused with solar flares by mere mortals.

Prominences streetch between sunspots.
[Wasn't Streetch the nerd on "Saved by the Bell"?]

The solar core is where nuclear fussion occurs.
[Isn't fussion what babies do?]

The Sun is burning mostly hydrogen at this stage of its lift.
[No, for heavy lifting you want to burn carbohydrates, not hydrogen.]

Q:  What are sunspots and what causes them?
A:  Sunspots are where the sun surface gets wounded to the point of a puncture.
[The Sun is a ball of gas, but it's not a beach ball!]

There were very few sunspots during the period 1645-1715.  This period coincided with much colder weather and a drought in the southwestern United States.  [OK, except that there was no United States until at least 1776!  And even then United States was only along the east coast.  Of course, before 1776 all sunspots were British.]

Q:  Why is the solar spectrum an absorption spectrum (dark lines)?
A:  The lines are asbortion becuase the are asborbed by gasses in the the
photoshpeere.
[Could you include more spelling errors, please?  I don't know what an asbortion
is, but it sounds really painful!]

Q:  How can we learn about the interior of the Sun by studying its surface?
A:  The clue is in all that shaking.  By studying the way the Sun shakes, we can get a lot of information about the interior.  [Shake it, baby, shake it!]

main sequence - the stage of a star’s life comparable to the adult hood stage in humans.  [The adult hood stage follows the Red Riding Hood stage.]

supernova - a star that regurgitates, then explodes.  [That happens when it drinks too much.  It regurgitates and explodes into the toilet.]

supernova - when a dying star explodes in a glorious bust.
[It has plastic surgery.]

neutron star - star that has collapsed due to neuron degeneracy.
[*Neutron* degeneracy is when the gravity of a collapsing star fuses all particles into neutrons.  *Neurons* are in your brain.  Is your brain degenerating?]

quasar - a very large redshirt object that is almost stellar in appearance.
[It looks absolutely stellar fabulous in its big red shirt.  That's *redshifted*. Redshift is the change of the wavelengths of light emitted by an object toward the red part of the spectrum.]

The luminosity of a star depends on the size of pie.
[Apple pie?  It depends on temperature T and area = (r2 (though usually pi are round - old math joke).]

The galactic halo is home to vast numbers of small, unseen bodies known as NACHOs.  [The galaxy gets the munchies.  *MACHOs* are MAssive Compact Halo Objects.]

The Wilkinson team is putting a probe into space to find were matter is in the universe.  [Is were-matter like werewolves?  They will probably discover were-matter is on the full moon.]

In a closed universe, the universe will crash and be no more.
[The universe ends in a car accident?]

Q:  What is the difference between an optical double star and a binary double star?
A:  An optical double star is a optical illusion.  [It's not really there.]
A:  A binary double star is held together by unknown forces.
[It's a mystery.  Ever heard of a little thing called gravity?]

Q:  At what wavelength and color does a B-type star have its maximum absorption?
A:  The wavelength is zero and the color is dark blue.
[If the light has a wavelength of zero, it doesn't exist!  And it can't be dark!]

Q:  What is the relationship between a star’s color and what the spectrum looks like?
A:  The orange star is on an uphill climb, but the blue star is mostly a downward slop.

Q:  What transitions do the lines labeled labeled H?, H?, and H? correspond to?
A:  They correspond to electrons jumping.  [Boing boing boing boing!]

Q:  What features do the spectra of the fourteen sample stars have in common?
A:  All of them have a peak in intensity and a lot of noise of differing fuctuations.
[I could make a naughty remark here about what kind of noise, but I will restrain myself.]

Q:  Do you think the 20 brightest stars makes up a good random sample of stars?  Why or why not?
A:  I’m not sure.  I’m ignorant about samples of stars.  [Well, at least he's honest.]

There is actually a high percentage of irregular galaxies there is.

When a star can’t fusion any more, the burning stops then it emplodes under the emince gravity.

Can the blackhole [at the center of the galaxy] wipe us out?  It depends on what it eats.  Scientists are worried and are tracking it to see if it is now being dormant or if it is ready to eat.
[Munch munch munch.  It's coming for us...  Actually astronomers believe the Milky Way galaxy's black hole is very old and has established a stable system with the stars that orbit around it.]

Q:  How can we tell whether other galaxies are moving toward or away from us?
A:  Other galaxies are moving away because they are read shifty.
[Yeah, they look very suspicious.  That's *redshifted*.]

Q:  What shape do most galaxies have?
A:  Most galaxies are dwarf elliptical.  We’ve got millions of millions dwarf ellipticals.  [Should we call an exterminator?]

Q:  How would the Milky Way appear if the Sun was located near the center of the galaxy?
A:  The Sun would not be visible because it would be too far away.
[Yes, the Sun is moved to the center of the galaxy and the Earth would stay here.  (Actually, that is the plot of an episode of "Doctor Who".)  Obviously I have to make the question more specific to say what if the *whole solar system* was near the center of the galaxy.]
A:  If the Milky Way was closer to the center of our galaxy the sun would enplode into the galaxy dying due to the gravitional pull of the Black Hole.  [Noooooooo!]

However, it’s not only students that don’t proofread their answers well enough. I found this listing for a National Geographic Channel program in the online TV Guide:

NGC 120  Thu, Mar 12
Naked Science
10:00 PM Journey to Juniper
Examining the findings from recent missions to Juniper and its largest moons.
[Berries grow on juniper bushes, not moons!]