Written and contributed by MTL member Jay Badenhoop (was the first Editor in Chief of our newsletter, the Relative Times). As you will note, this teacher is a stickler for spelling. A misspelled word is considered a mistake since it changes the meaning of the answer. This could be another reason that the Doctor is no longer accepting companions. An assistant who did this poorly in school would have a hard time coping with his Tardis and its technology. “Don’t touch that hand when it’s glowing like that — it’s dangerous!”
A bumper crop of errors to end the year. Remember these are actual answers given by students. I think some students would find their own mistakes funny if they proofread (or even spell-checked) their homework before handing it in. One consistent thread is that students tend to give inanimate objects (planets, moons, stars, galaxies, etc.) human characteristics and motivations. As always, my comments to myself are in brackets.
Planets move faster than planets orbiting low mass planets of same differences. [huh?]
Q: If two planets have the same mass but orbit at different distances from the Sun, which will have the greater orbital speed? Why?
A: The one farther away because there is gravity between the tow planets. [Did they use a tow truck? Actually the one closer moves faster.]
Q: If the planets condensed out of the same primeval nebula as the Sun, why did the Sun become a star, but the planets did not?
A: The nebula had a tilt to their axis which increased they’re speed; thus creating planets. [huh?]
A: The star energy causes the nebula to dive off revealing the materials planets, comets and asteroids. [Huh? It went diving?]
A: The planets were not massive enough to heat to cause a nuclear fission rection like the sun. [I hope she meant *reaction*.]
Q: What characteristics of Mercury could be better observed by spacecraft observations than Earth-based observations?
A: A magnetic field full of elections was detected in space near Mercury. [McCain won the presidential elections on Mercury. Electrons?]
The Opportunity rover has inspected craters to reveal inter-dune playa lakes that have evaporated for the sands of years. [I'm cool, I'm a playa. Do you mean *thousands* of years? Or the lakes evaporated for years and left sand? Like sands of the hourglass, these are the Days of Our Lives.]
Olympus Mons - a volcano formed on Mars millions of years ago by Mariner 9. [Mariner 9 went back in time and somehow created the volcano? It was *discovered* by Mariner 9. A missing word can make a big difference!]
Venus’s surface must be explored using raider waves. [That's *radar*.]
Venus has much more carbon dioxide because of all the vulcans erupting there. [Vulcans? Captain Kirk to Mr. Spock - are you ready to beam up? I thought Vulcans had no emotions and only erupted during pon farr (Star Trek inside joke).]
The characteristics of Mercury are almost not visible by the Earth this is called see inset. [The student copied this incorrectly from a webpage which had a small picture of Mercury in the corner (an inset) and the text said to "see inset".]
The canali on Mars was thought to be channels yet now is known that to be channels.
The planet witch has two moons is Mars, called Phobus and Diemus. [The wicked witch has them? Phobos and Deimos.]
Q: Does Mercury always keep the same side toward the Sun?
A: No Mercury does not keep the same side because it rotates off it’s axis. [It's also off its rocker.]
A: Mercury rotates tree times for each too times it goes around the Sun. [And the Moon rotates won time for every won time around the Earth.]
Flowing water does not exist on Mars two day. [But it did three days ago? Maybe this student should swap with the previous one - too-two tutu!]
The Mars Pathfinder mission found that deposits in gullies suggest they were formed by sentiment in the last 7 years. [They were formed by sentiment when the gods cried. Seven years? Really? More like seven million!]
greenhouse effect - when sunlight enters an atmosphere but is absorbed by the planet and the atmosphere is so full of its own infrared. [The atmosphere has a really big ego. It's so full of itself.]
Scientists are interesting in finding water on Mars.
[I think scientists are interesting, too.]
The problem they had with the rovers is because the sun is not always around when you’re on Mars. [The Sun wanders off.]
Q: Explain the absence of water on Mars, despite the presence of features that seem to have been formed by water.
A: The sun came out and dried up all of the water supply. [No, it goes, "The sun came out and dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!]
Great Red Spot - Cloud in the shape of a big oval candy dish and the atmosphere is wispy like cotton candy. [I would like to live in this student's fantasy world.]
Q: What makes Saturn’s moon Titan unique among moons of the solar system?
A: Stuff in the atmosphere makes it comically complex.
[What stuff? Rubber chickens, pies in the face, and whoopie cushions? I think she meant *chemically* complex.]
prominences - solar material extending between sunspots, often confused with solar flares by mere mortals.
Prominences streetch between sunspots.
[Wasn't Streetch the nerd on "Saved by the Bell"?]
The solar core is where nuclear fussion occurs.
[Isn't fussion what babies do?]
The Sun is burning mostly hydrogen at this stage of its lift.
[No, for heavy lifting you want to burn carbohydrates, not hydrogen.]
Q: What are sunspots and what causes them?
A: Sunspots are where the sun surface gets wounded to the point of a puncture.
[The Sun is a ball of gas, but it's not a beach ball!]
There were very few sunspots during the period 1645-1715. This period coincided with much colder weather and a drought in the southwestern United States. [OK, except that there was no United States until at least 1776! And even then United States was only along the east coast. Of course, before 1776 all sunspots were British.]
Q: Why is the solar spectrum an absorption spectrum (dark lines)?
A: The lines are asbortion becuase the are asborbed by gasses in the the
photoshpeere.
[Could you include more spelling errors, please? I don't know what an asbortion
is, but it sounds really painful!]
Q: How can we learn about the interior of the Sun by studying its surface?
A: The clue is in all that shaking. By studying the way the Sun shakes, we can get a lot of information about the interior. [Shake it, baby, shake it!]
main sequence - the stage of a star’s life comparable to the adult hood stage in humans. [The adult hood stage follows the Red Riding Hood stage.]
supernova - a star that regurgitates, then explodes. [That happens when it drinks too much. It regurgitates and explodes into the toilet.]
supernova - when a dying star explodes in a glorious bust.
[It has plastic surgery.]
neutron star - star that has collapsed due to neuron degeneracy.
[*Neutron* degeneracy is when the gravity of a collapsing star fuses all particles into neutrons. *Neurons* are in your brain. Is your brain degenerating?]
quasar - a very large redshirt object that is almost stellar in appearance.
[It looks absolutely stellar fabulous in its big red shirt. That's *redshifted*. Redshift is the change of the wavelengths of light emitted by an object toward the red part of the spectrum.]
The luminosity of a star depends on the size of pie.
[Apple pie? It depends on temperature T and area = (r2 (though usually pi are round - old math joke).]
The galactic halo is home to vast numbers of small, unseen bodies known as NACHOs. [The galaxy gets the munchies. *MACHOs* are MAssive Compact Halo Objects.]
The Wilkinson team is putting a probe into space to find were matter is in the universe. [Is were-matter like werewolves? They will probably discover were-matter is on the full moon.]
In a closed universe, the universe will crash and be no more.
[The universe ends in a car accident?]
Q: What is the difference between an optical double star and a binary double star?
A: An optical double star is a optical illusion. [It's not really there.]
A: A binary double star is held together by unknown forces.
[It's a mystery. Ever heard of a little thing called gravity?]
Q: At what wavelength and color does a B-type star have its maximum absorption?
A: The wavelength is zero and the color is dark blue.
[If the light has a wavelength of zero, it doesn't exist! And it can't be dark!]
Q: What is the relationship between a star’s color and what the spectrum looks like?
A: The orange star is on an uphill climb, but the blue star is mostly a downward slop.
Q: What transitions do the lines labeled labeled H?, H?, and H? correspond to?
A: They correspond to electrons jumping. [Boing boing boing boing!]
Q: What features do the spectra of the fourteen sample stars have in common?
A: All of them have a peak in intensity and a lot of noise of differing fuctuations.
[I could make a naughty remark here about what kind of noise, but I will restrain myself.]
Q: Do you think the 20 brightest stars makes up a good random sample of stars? Why or why not?
A: I’m not sure. I’m ignorant about samples of stars. [Well, at least he's honest.]
There is actually a high percentage of irregular galaxies there is.
When a star can’t fusion any more, the burning stops then it emplodes under the emince gravity.
Can the blackhole [at the center of the galaxy] wipe us out? It depends on what it eats. Scientists are worried and are tracking it to see if it is now being dormant or if it is ready to eat.
[Munch munch munch. It's coming for us... Actually astronomers believe the Milky Way galaxy's black hole is very old and has established a stable system with the stars that orbit around it.]
Q: How can we tell whether other galaxies are moving toward or away from us?
A: Other galaxies are moving away because they are read shifty.
[Yeah, they look very suspicious. That's *redshifted*.]
Q: What shape do most galaxies have?
A: Most galaxies are dwarf elliptical. We’ve got millions of millions dwarf ellipticals. [Should we call an exterminator?]
Q: How would the Milky Way appear if the Sun was located near the center of the galaxy?
A: The Sun would not be visible because it would be too far away.
[Yes, the Sun is moved to the center of the galaxy and the Earth would stay here. (Actually, that is the plot of an episode of "Doctor Who".) Obviously I have to make the question more specific to say what if the *whole solar system* was near the center of the galaxy.]
A: If the Milky Way was closer to the center of our galaxy the sun would enplode into the galaxy dying due to the gravitional pull of the Black Hole. [Noooooooo!]
However, it’s not only students that don’t proofread their answers well enough. I found this listing for a National Geographic Channel program in the online TV Guide:
NGC 120 Thu, Mar 12
Naked Science
10:00 PM Journey to Juniper
Examining the findings from recent missions to Juniper and its largest moons.
[Berries grow on juniper bushes, not moons!]