STUDENT MALASTRONOMISMS #7
March 1st, 2010Jay Badenhoop is Professor of Chemistry at Potomac State College at West Virginia University, located in Keyser, WV. Jay also teaches astronomy. Jay has been sending to our members these real samples of student answers for the past year. “And the Doctor hangs his head in shame”.
This is his latest batch:
These are actual answers given by students on homework and exams. I swear I couldn’t make up ones this good. As usual, my comments to myself are in brackets.
A problem with reflecting telescopes is you need light pointed at the mirror in order to see so if you block out this light with your big head you won’t be able to see anything.
Q:Which types of light in the electromagnetic spectrum are mostly blocked from reaching the Earth’s surface by the atmosphere?
A:Radiation is blocked from entering Earth’s atmosphere. [It is? D'oh!]
A:The Earth has windows in the atmosphere that lets some kinds of light in.
[Only if the windows have curtains.]
Q:Which types of light in the electromagnetic spectrum are mostly blocked from reaching the Earth’s surface by the atmosphere?
A:X-rays, Y-rays, and Z-rays.
[But A-rays through W-rays get through. Everyone knows S-rays cause sunburn and C-rays cause cancer. Correct answer: Light with short wavelengths is blocked - ultraviolet light, X-rays, and gamma rays (the student confused the Greek letter gammag with "Y"). There is no "Z-ray" but there is a "Z particle".It's not as funny when there's an explanation, is it?]
Q:How is this light blocked?
A:Light can become blocked by solids, like plastics and metals.
[There are big chunks of plastic and metal floating up in the atmosphere?There must be more mid-air plane crashes than I thought.]
spectral lines - Black lines that papaer in the light spectrum.
[Appear? Paper? Sorry, I don't do anagrams.]
The wavelength is measured in centiminters.
[*I* measure wavelength in pepperminters!]
The wavelength is a symbol that looks like a “V” with a tail on top.
[The symbol is lambda (l).Come to think of it, it *does* look like a "V" with a tail on top...]
wavelength - the distance between the climax of one wave to the climax of the next wave.
[If your mind is warped, you might read something naughty into this. The student meant "crest" of the wave.]
frequency - amount of waves in a given time to pass through a rigid fixed unit. [Now just a minute.You're thinking something naughty again, aren't you?]
Q:Planets radiate most of their light in the infrared.Why are they visible to humans in the night sky?
A:Planets are made of warm colors, which are the coolest, which will stand out against the dark night sky with stars mostly being in the cool colors, which are the warmest.
[huh?]
Reflecting teleoscopes are different from refracting telloscopes because they have mirorrs that reflect incomming light. [Will you *please* use spell-check already!]
light pollution - happens when an area has too much civilization.
[true - I just like the way he said it.]
light pollution - What causes astronomers to move their telescopes to an abandoned area. [You can only see the night sky if all the other people have moved away.]
light pollution - Astronomers have to fight with states, cities, electrical companies, towns, architects, ect, in order to limit the amount of light. [This means war!]
The similarities between a refracting and reflecting telescope are slim to none.
Another advantage of the Hubble Space Telescope is that it is literally in space already so it’s a lot easier to look at space.
The frequency of infrared light sits just below red light.
[My mother's Christmas decorations sit just below the red light.]
Ultraviolent light is called that because it is violent against your skin.
Radiation comes from stars in the throws of death that explode and give off comic rays.
[Stars throw pies in your face?Also known as "Three Stooges rays".]
focal length - A distance of infinity objects from their images. Astronomical objects are so far away they might as well be at infinity.
[And your grade is so low, it might as well be zero.]
right ascension - also known as RA. [And...?]
Q:List the circumpolar constellations. [ones that circle the North Star]
A:Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Cepheus, Draco, Cassiopeia, Corona Borealis, and Scrotum.
[Yes, right, yes, right, yes, okay. wait - what was that last one? The name is "Scutum" which means "shield", but sounds almost as naughty. It only has *two stars*, so how anyone saw a Roman shield, or any shape for that matter, is beyond me.]
Q:Can you conclude that because the stars in a constellation appear close together in the sky, that they are at nearly the same distance from Earth?
A:No, because we really know nothing.
[Perhaps *you * don't.I think *we* know a little more than nothing about stars.]
Q: Why do stars observed close to the horizon twinkle more than those overhead?
A: They are more different from their surroundings.[huh?]
vernal equinox - the date when the sun crosses the o boundary moving northward.
[The sun only crosses the o'boundary over Ireland. I have no idea what the student intended. The sun crosses the *celestial equator*.]
vernal equinox - point where the sun crosses the eclipstic going south to north.
[You put on eclipstick when you and your date go out to watch a solar eclipse. Eclipstick only comes in one color - black. The word is "ecliptic" which is the Sun's path relative to the stars. Since the Sun can't cross its own path, the student's definition is bogus even if you correct the spelling error.]
Earth’s core - center composed of nickel-iron alloy, one of the less hot stars in the solar system. [Earth is a star? There is a star at the center of the Earth?I think this student probably was distracted in the middle of writing this sentence.]
Continential drift is when the continence slide across the Earth’s surface, explained as a set of shifting regions called tectonic planets. [The other planets slide against the Earth?
Their relationship must be more than gravitational, nudge nudge say no more!And when continents move, does it cause incontinence?]
My answer to global warming is to create cleaner artificial clouds and take out the polluted particles, but create polluted clouds, through making a cleaner environment.
[Huh? Who you gonna call? Cloudbusters!]
Q:Describe the layers to Earth’s atmosphere. Which layer(s) contain(s) ozone?
A:The Earth’s ozone lies within the Inner Solid Core. Then there is the Outer Molten Core, which is made up of molten hot magma. Then there is the D layer. Then there is the Lower Mantel, Mesosphere, and Lithosphere.
[There is ozone at the center of the Earth and molten hot magma in the air? Obviously this student skipped over the word *atmosphere*.]
The temperature of the atmosphere decreases with attitude.
[Yeah, the atmosphere's a real bitch when it's cold.]
libration - a swinging motion, real or not, of the moon.
[It don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing! Doo-wop doo-wop! Libration is the apparent rocking motion of the Moon (when you look at time-lapse photography) caused when the Moon moves faster when closer to Earth and slower when farther away but it remains rotating at the same rate.]
sidereal month - month of days for the Moon to orbit counted in sidereals.
[Wasn't "Frankie and the Sidereals" a '50's pop group that recorded "Fly Me to the Moon"?]
crater - a simple bowl on the moon of 15 kilometers diameters.
[All craters are the same size and are used to eat giant cereal. The constitution says all men are cratered equal.]
crater - Very large hole in the ground.
[Pesky moon gophers!]
Q:Why is an astronaut’s weight standing on the Moon only 1/6th the weight he had on Earth?
A:His relationship to the moon would be greater than his relationship to the Earth.
[What kind of relationship? Do they get married or just fool around?]
Q:What were some weaknesses of the lunar module?
A:You could run out of full very quickly.
[How can you run out if it's full?]
Q:What causes the blackout in communications during re-entry?
A:The extremely high temperatures fad the communications with mission control.
[Don't worry; it's just a passing fad.]
Moon landing hoaxers believe that the spacecraft would have disincarnated upon entering the moon surface. [No, it would have been reincarnated as a toaster.]
The Apollo missions could not of been fake. A conspiracy of that magnet tide to been done is almost impossible. [Yeah, it would have taken a lot of really *big* magnets.]
All crediblitty for everyone against the Moon landing because they used an ample amount of rhettoric and fallacies in order to persuade you of their views, not to inform you what so ever.
[Rhettoric is what Rhett Butler uses in "Gone With the Wind". You don't believe in the moon landings?Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.]
One strange happening during the Apollo 11 mission was sightings of strange injects floating around the spacecraft.
[That's what happens when you shoot up cocaine in space.]
When astronauts first arrived in space the seen something in the distance but was really afraid to say anything to mission control because they did not want to be thought of as guys who seen aliens when they arrived back at earth.
[It wasn't aliens, it was the cocaine.]
Three days into space, the command center missed a message from the astronauts wanting to know where the hell they were at.
[Maybe the mission control guys were high on crack, too. Tune in next week for more "Sordid Secrets of the Space Program".]
